Grand Theft Belcher
by Kristenschaalisahorse
Summary: What happens when the Belchers play Grand Theft Auto.


Gene and Louise, having pooled their money for the new Grand Theft Auto game, were now seated around the Belcher's small TV, absorbed in the game. Tina was watching from the couch, along with Linda. Bob was in the kitchen, having a day off from working in the restraunt. It was Louise's turn, and she was causing havoc, as only Louise could.

Within seconds, her streak of havoc had helped her achieve a 4-star police chase. She was barricaded on the roof of a building with a sniper rifle and a helicopter, both of which were stolen. Already one police chopper had come to try to take her down, but Louise was ruthless. She took it down with another stolen gun.

"Come on Louise, it's my turn!" Gene whined, tugging her sleve.

"Not now!" she yelled. "I'm too far into it!"

"Why cant you just play by the rules, Louise? Drive slowly, and-"

"Tina! That's not what Grand Theft Auto is about!" Gene barked, turning away from the TV to look at his older sister.

"What is this game about?" Bob said, coming into the room.

"Violence and revenge!" Louise yelled, taking down another helicopter.

"I like to think that all those people have families." Gene piped up.

"Oh, that's so sad." said Tina.

"There's nothing sad about murder, it's a natural part of life." Louise said, getting into the helicopter. "Animals have been killing each other since the beginning."

"Come on Louise, I want to play!" Gene said again, turning back.

"Let your brother play, Louise, you've had it the whole time." Linda said, taking a sip of her wine. "Then it's my turn."

"Alright, here. But be violent!" Louise said, handing him the controller.

"Yes!" Gene said, when he got it. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to play, so the helicopter crashed into the building, killing the character.

"Dammit Gene, you suck." Louise said, as the character woke up at the hospital several hours later, in a daze.

"I'm new at this!" he said, trying out different buttons on the controller. The character jumped, pulled out his gun, and crouched.

"Get in the car, and try to drive somewhere." Louise instructed.

"I still dont get it." Bob said, sitting on the couch with Linda.

"It's easy, Bobby, you just go around murdering people for their money and guns, and do missions for shady people." Linda said.

"And help criminals get richer." Tina added.

"It sounds stupid and violent." Bob said.

"Don't you ever call our game stupid!" Louise raged.

Gene had now gotten a car (stole, more like) and was trying to drive.

"Go slow, you dont want to mess up your car." Tina said.

"No, go fast! Pedal to the metal! Smash it up!" said Louise, excitedely.

"I don't get it!" Gene said, crashing into a wall. He pressed another button, which made his character get out of the car, and walked forward, surprisingly into a clothes store.

"Oooh, you can change your clothes?!" Gene asked, grinning.

"Yeah, but that's pointless. Come on, Gene, do a mission!" Louise whined.

"First he needs to make the character look good." Tina said, getting a bit more excited about the game.

"Ugh! Boring!" Louise said, getting up. "I'm going for a drink."

"Bring me the crackers, baby!" Linda called as Louise left.

"I like this suit!" Gene said, deciding on a gray coal suit.

"Now you need shoes." Tina said.

Louise came back with a drink and a box of crackers for Linda.

"Are you dressed yet?" she asked, sitting by Gene again.

"Almost." he said, sticking his tongue out.

"Come on, we want to see violence!" Linda said, starting into the crackers.

"You need to look good to play good!" Gene quirked, smiling at his character.

"Okay, my turn!" Linda sang, putting her crackers down, and reaching for the controller. It was night time on the game now, and Linda was in the remote part of town.

"Ooh, what's this button do?" she asked, pushing it. It was the accelerator of the car, and she went smack into a wall. Pushing another button, the horn blasted, and it caught the attention of a scantily clad lady of the night.

"Mom, I don't know if you should-" Louise began, but Linda cut her off.

"I know what I'm doing, hun." Linda chimed, pushing yet another button.

"But mom, that's the-"

"Gene, hush. I got this." Linda said, and the kids were silent.

"_Lets go somewhere more secret." _the womans voice said, onscreen.

"Ooh, private!" Linda cheered, not knowing what was happing.

"She looks nice, mom." Tina said. "Maybe you're going on a date."

"Yeah, you're going on a date...minus the dinner." Louise mumbled.

Linda drove a bit, and went behind a building. An option came on screen, $20 option, $50 option, or $70 option. Since Louise had managed getting them almost 10k within a short time, Linda went for the $70 option...and was the family surprised.

"Kids! Look away!" Bob said, as the car began to rock.

Tina covered her eyes and moaned, typical Tina fashion. Gene and Louise sat, their mouths open, and watched, and Linda laughed.

"Look, Bobby, you really can do anything on this game!" she laughed.

"Not cool, Lin!" Bob groaned, grabbing the controller from her and pausing the game.

"What the hell, I didn't know you could do_ that_!" Louise said. "I thought this game was only about murder and revenge!"

"Is it safe to look?" Tina asked, her hands still covering her eyes.

"No, hang on, Tina." Gene said, grabbing the controller from Bob and unpausing it. The car still rocked, but Gene pressed the accelerator and drove the car straight over the cliff Linda had driven to, and into the water.

"Now it's cool."

Tina uncovered her eyes then, and blinked.

"No more of that, kids." Bob said. "Just play for murder and revenge."

He got up and left the room, but the other stayed.

"Now it's your turn, Tina." Gene said, offering her the controller.

"Uhm, I'm not very good..." she said, glancing away.

"Come on Tina, it's easy." Louise said. "As long as you dont do what mom did."

Linda laughed then.

"Just drive down the street, you have nothing to lose." Gene told her, shoving the controller at her.

Tina reluctantly took the controller, and slowly led the character to a safe-looking minivan. Once inside, she stalled.

"Move, Tina." Louise said.

"Uhhhh." Tina moaned, "Maybe I should test the phone."

Just then the phone went off, with Louise's newly chosen lesbian sex ringtone, and Tina moaned again.

"Should I answer?" she asked, nervously.

"Really, Louise? That ringtone?" Gene asked.

"I dunno, Gene, I like it." Linda said, and laughed again.

"Dont answer, it's Little Jacob, he just wants to go clubbing. Drive Tina, drive!" Louise yelled.

"Uhhhhh." she moaned, as she gradually pressed the button. A little time later, the car began lurching forward.

"You got it!" Gene cheered.

"Faster!" Louise complained.

"But I dont want to go over the speed limit." Tina said. Suddenly a cop car turned and gently hit the front of Tina's car. She groaned again, and started freaking out as the siren started going off.

"Tina, go! You're in a police chase!" Louise yelled.

"I can't! Let them arrest me!" said Tina, covering her eyes and holding the controller out.

"Give it here!" Gene yelled, and grabbed the controller. He ran right into a wall, the police car crashing into him.

"You guys SUCK!" Louise yelled, grabbing the controller from Gene and backing up, and quickly manuvering away. Once away, temporarily, she pulled out the phone and called the helicopter, making a clean getaway.

"Aw, my little Hell-raiser." Linda said.

"Louise, that was illegal." Tina moaned. "We're so going to jail."

"Tina, it's just a game." Gene said.

"I know, but that's whats gonna happen sometime, I just know it."

Louise landed on top of a stately building and pulled out the sniper again.

"Okay, kids, it's time for bed." Linda said.

"Aw, just 5 more minutes, mom?" Louise asked.

"Alright, goodnight kids." Linda said, waving to them.

"Night." Gene and Louise chorused. Tina was rocking back and forth next to Louise, still shaken up about the game.

Linda went into the bedroom and got ready for bed, and fell asleep, still hearing the kids play.

The next morning, when Linda and the kids got up and went into the living room, they found and interesting site.

Bob sitting on the couch, unshaved, eyes red, glued to the TV screen, where he was in a 5-star police chase. They said nothing, but watched him. And Bob, without turning away, croaked,

"Hang on kids, I'm on the last mission."

And that's how the Belchers came to love Grand Theft Auto.

**A/N: Like it? Should we write a sequel? :)**


End file.
